History of Seacourt’s Cricket Team, known as The Racqueteers to follow …
All good things must come to an end !
The Racqueteers vs Compton 29th Aug 2019
The Raqs had their last Thursday evening fixture of the season against a new opponent at the picturesque Compton.
With August light fading it was recommended we start promptly at 5 30pm which would have been good, however the skip was late, but all is forgiven because we won the toss and duly batted first.
In went Rob (the better) Cells and Callum (the bowler- apparently) Cells. Callum departed without troubling the scorers, so next up was Bryan- one of JK’s new friends at Westbourne. Some excellent batting saw both Rob and Bryan reach in excess of 25 and retire.
Tony Watton (HICC’s 2nd team skipper) stepped in for the Raqs at last minute and explained that he was in the dog house when he got home- his mood remained upbeat despite his 1st ball duck!
Gorv was quickly joined at the crease by Beef and the pair pushed the score up towards 100. Beef dealing in boundaries and Gorv failing to get the ball far off the square with a number of ones.
Beef hit Compton’s strike bowler for four off middle stump and was then bowled the ball after for a well made 21. As AJ came to the crease, he asked Gorv for some advice about the bowler however the only words that sprung to mind were ‘he’s a nutter.’
Towards the end of the innings there was some hard running and good hitting by Josh and Freddie. Josh even pulled out a reverse sweep- he really was showing off last night but more of that to come….
The raqs scored a fairly imposing 139 on a tough wicket and slow outfield. Callum and Tony opened the batting and much to everyone’s surprise Callum managed to pitch every ball of his spell on the right wicket and every ball was somewhere near the intended target…what a shame he has left it until the end of the season! 3 wickets for Callum certainly made up for the batting and the two dropped catches which came later. James came on for a spell down the hill and was unfortunate to be met by Compton’s best batsman who carted the ball all over the place, only the clubhouse roof, into the fields and one shot blasted into the trees- new balls please! We were all pleased to see him retire on his 25 off about 7 balls.
As the game was getting away from Compton they sent out their number 8 batsman who was batting wearing gardening gloves and who didn’t look too far shy of 80. With Freddie coming on to bowl, it was only a matter of time surely?? But no, Freddie fed the old timer with balls outside the off stump as 4 followed 4…something had to change and Skip took him off after 1 over. Josh was bowling down the hill and gathering some good pace which was all too much for the Compton batsman to handle as Josh took a brilliant one handed caught and bowled low to his right hand side- he was fined post match (and rightly so) for showing off with bat and ball!
The game came towards a close with Gorv and Freddie bowling in tandem, Callum dropping catches and Compton claiming he was doing it on purpose in order to avoid the retired batsman coming back in- every member of the team jumping to Callum’s defence and explaining that ‘no, he really can’t catch’!
A thoroughly enjoyable game ended in the pub where JK decided to spend everyone’s match fee on the raffle and came out with a homemade cake to be served up as pudding, a bottle of wine for Rob Cells MOM and some ciders which seemed to disappear!
Well done to the Raqs for a good win and to James for organising all of the fixtures.
Come on the The Racqs, brought to you by Snows Group …a family operated motor dealer…
A new day another victory !
The Racqueteers vs Ladwacas 22nd Aug 2019
The Racs turned out in the August evening sunshine to face the Ladwacas in our annual match against this nomadic side. Having lost the toss the Racs took the field hoping to restrict the opposition to a manageable score in a match reduced to 18 overs a side. JK opened the bowling and it soon became apparent that his moonlighting for Westborne might have had some beneficial impact on both his bowling and language. Gaz, the Racs equivalent of Ben Stokes (…well they are both ginger…) took the new ball with JK and bowled a nagging line and length keeping things tighter than a clam with lockjaw (it’s a family read…!).
After the early overs it became apparent the Ladwacas were unlikely to post a significant total and Skip took the opportunity to spread the bowling around, with 9 of the side getting at least one over. Gaz, Skip, AJ and Harry all picked up wickets and despite a number of dropped catches (…Gaz, Freddie, Josh x 2 and I’m sure I’ve missed a couple of others!!) the Ladwacas were restricted to 75-4 off their 18 overs.
Grizzer and Phil “the golf pro” on debut lead the chase. Alas that didn’t last long as Phil smashed a lob wedge straight up and into the arms of square leg to join the “Primary Club” on debut. Griz didn’t quite find his best form and fell shortly after for 5 leaving the Racs in similar state to the national team at 5 for 2.
In came “Beef” who was actually seen to hit one into the off-side and Freddie who made short work of the opposition bowling most notably with 3 consecutive fours using his girls bat. Freddie was next out for a quickfire 18 to leave Beef and Neil to give a masterclass in quick singles. Neil looked in good shape to repeat his MoM performance of last week but his eyes lit up at the slower bowler who proceeded to lob a bomb into the night sky, bamboozling Neil in the process and the old boy behind the sticks did the rest dislodging the bails before Neil realised he’d missed it. Harry C struck a few hearty blows in a quickfire 15 whilst Beef kept the chase on track. Much to everyone’s surprise Beef fell just before the end for a season defining 20 leaving Josh to wrap things up as he despatched his first ball to the long on boundary, nearly decapitating a dog on its evening stroll in the process.
A comfortable win for the Racs, reaching the total off 11.1overs. A huge thankyou to AJ who scored impeccably during the second innings and of course to Vinnie V who managed not to coach away JK’s new found form and was generous as ever in keeping his arms by his side as the ball bounced perilously close to the edge of the cut wicket. MoM – “Beef” for his runs, BBQ skills and finding the offside.
PS – Massive congratulations to Harry and the future Mrs Cottle….maybe one day we could have 3 generations of Cottle in the same Racs team….!!
Come on the The Racqs, brought to you by Snows Group …a family operated motor dealer…
Winner of the Pam Ayres Trophy for 2019 – Mr Justin “USA” Singleton
All the Fake News that’s fit to Print !
The Racqueteers vs Westbourne 25th July 2019
On the hottest day ever recorded in the UK, it threatened to rain on the Racqueteers’ parade – only in England. But no, the Fates smiled on Hayling and the contest began with Grizzer playing an imperious drive back over the bowler’s head to the first ball of the match. The prodigal (malingering? – there were mutterings on the sideline) son had returned, and a score of 200 was on the cards. Until the next 3 batsmen NOT called Grizzer faced a ball or 2 and promptly departed whence they had come – SAD! as they say in American. From 4-0 off 1 ball, the score staggered to 24-4 after 4 overs. Chef McMurragh provided a brief cameo before being cut down by what was later described as “rank disco umpiring”. Looked like early beers and a barbie for the hapless Racqueteers. But no, in the nick of time a new hero arose to complement the defiance of the grizzled opener. Gazza “Legless” Maloney strode to the crease and promptly dispatched the ball to the boundary with a nonchalance not seen since Ian Botham at Headingley in 1981. Consecutive sixes was just taking the piss, and it was game on. Both Grizzer and Gazza carried their bats to the end, both retiring on 25 – sterling work. The tail did have a sting as Callum and the Skip pummelled another 20 (completely superfluous) runs in the final couple of overs. JK may have batted somewhere in between, but he came and went quickly and was later heard rehearsing his choicest expletives for when it came time to bowl.
A very creditable score of 120 was posted when all was said and done. Creditable, but was it defendable? Westbourne apparently saw it as easy pickings as they juggled their batting order and sent in a succession of fair-to-middling batsmen to get some top of the order experience. Seeing through the ruse, the Racqueteers promptly conspired to extend their stay at the crease by putting down a string of catches which ranged from the “non-difficult” to a tricky knick behind. The attempts were variously described as like “watching a dying salmon make one last forlorn attempt to jump the rapids, and fail”, and “having a blind eunuch demonstrating how to drink Guinness in a dark room – all spills and no balls”. Fortunately, normal fielding service was resumed when Beef stormed in to take a screamer of a catch at mid-on, or was it just Beef screaming on taking the catch: “Now THAT’S how to take a f%$#ing catch!!” or some such motivational explosion. Naturally, the lesson was lost on the rest of the field as no-one was watching anyway. Later, Jimmer added to the levity of the evening by suggesting that it was in fact the ball itself that had chosen a flight path that would have decapitated silly mid-on. The sentiment as expressed was pure poetry. Tears were shed as the laughter subsided.
Once the openers had been allowed to waste 5 or 6 overs, a towering colossus marched in and started driving the ball to boundary with abandon – until being given out to the unusual combination of appeals for both caught behind AND LBW. Coach Venus gave him out on both accounts, just to be safe as he was about to ruin our day. And then the collapse began in earnest, as Westbourne were skittled out for a surprising total of 51 in 12 overs – with 7 catches taken on the trot with nary a drop in sight. The grim procession of short-lived partnerships at the crease turned a probable defeat into a crushing victory – a bit like Waterloo, but with far less cruelty to animals (just the one dead salmon).
Interesting stat(s): Westbourne’s highest scorer was a chap called “Wides” (18). With his buddy “No Balls” (harsh parents), they combined for 21 runs out of the total of 51 – only 30 runs actually came off the bat. Could be fodder for some friendly on-field banter when the teams next meet.
Wicket-takers: Freddie 4, JK 3, Josh 2, Gazza 1
The teams retired to the clubhouse for tea. Tea and scones were consumed, and all were home and in bed before 10PM. No-one turned 50, and Gazza did not suddenly decide to use his body to prop up the hedge at 1AM.
Good game. It had a bit of everything – a few laughs, some tears, and a bit about a dog.
Come on the The Racqs, brought to you by Snows Group …a family operated motor dealer…
The not much to report, Match Report !
The Racqueteers vs Hayling Island Cricket Club 11th July 2019
The raqs took to the field for the deciding match of the Hayling rivalry in a shortened 18 over match.
With JK opening the bowling we got off to a good start, 1-8 off the first over. Oh wait I’ve misread that… 18 off the first over including a early and very loud scream of F**K. Justin and JK continued to battle against some good openers with one retiring and JK taking the wicket of the other caught out by AJ. 66-1 after 7 overs.
Next up Harry & Boycey. Some tight bowling from both bowlers and a lovely ball from Boycey saw a welcome wicket for the Raqs. Shout out to Callum for his Boycott batting during this spell, 2 runs from 10 deliveries including a suspect reverse sweep. Whilst on the subject of the opposition, a big thanks to Freddie for ‘helping’ out in the field, caught sleeping on a couple of occasions and rightfully fined. 95-2 after 13 overs.
On came AJ & Neil and some wickets began to fall, AJ doing what he does best taking 3 wickets in 3 overs. Two good catches on the boundary from Harry & Justin and a couple of run outs. 131-7 18 overs.
Griz and George opened the batting getting off to a good start with some generous bowling from Hayling, plenty of wides and no balls. 48 runs off the first 6 overs. George out for 7 unlucky from a good catch. Griz soon followed with another good catch down the ground. Justin was run out, I didn’t actually see it so don’t know what happened, I must pay more attention in the future.
After a few wickets falling Neil and Harry got off to a promising start in their partnership but Harry was caught out on 15, a great instinctive catch into the bucket hand of Phil. Beef came in and hit two nice boundaries straight away but was bowled soon after.
On came Freddie and the inevitable sledging between himself and JK. From where I was sat it looked like JK was all over him and Freddie didn’t know what to do as he looked to his Dad to dismiss him for 2. Up against the ropes Neil continued to battle and retired on 28, a very good innings allowing the skip to face 1 ball, a beautiful drive for 1.
Raqs finished on a disappointing 118 for 7. All in all a disappointing game, apologies for the dull report but as the title says, not much to report. Highlight of the evening was another great BBQ from Beef, much appreciated as always.
Come on the The Racqs, brought to you by Snows Group …a family operated motor dealer…
Pure Poetry in motion !
The Racqueteers vs Chidham & Hambrook CC 4th July 2019
Some days in life are perfect with reason,the evening was set for the cricketing season. Church bells on the breeze, sunset through trees, a wing tip from pilot in flight.
The Raccs had arrived, God’s on their shoulder, a sprinkle of youth, the rest were much older.
Magic was near, and soon became clear,”Charlie new shoes” came into sight.
Skip won the toss with the air of King Arthur, the spell had been cast for what happened hereafter, leather was flayed as our batting knights played, with selection and timing supreme.
16 from “sir Boycey” a wonderful start, in strode “sir Danby” for the lame dragons heart like a young “Lionel Blair” but with much thicker hair, he dazzled and danced like a dream . The field became scattered with samba and tango, he danced them all dizzy and Carlos fandango. Young Harry of Cottle, also hitting full throttle, carried swords back to Albion aflame
The middle ticked over busy bees in the clover, McMurrugh , AJ, and Cells, and then two flags Freddie as ever was ready to startle and harass the foe, with his Remington blade he retired from the glade, runs scored to give skipper a go.
Our skipper was smart and he played with his heart, upon his wicket you would not bet. His stand did appear that his vision was clear, tough in fact it was blurry with sweat !
Jk has a scheme or so it would seem when he fell first ball for a golden, later fielding the line, he sat drinking their wine, and flirting like Amanda Holden.
It worked like a dream, distracting their team, his bowling confusing them more. Who’s team they weren’t sure this fella played for, but howzat he kept down the score.
The last man was on, with about 16 gone, but the retirees lined up on the ridge as the zulus bore down on the wounded last clown, they saw Dorothy come over the bridge!
With a second bat in hand he salsa’ed the land and punished with every blow, then before it was done, with his new wooden gun, three sixes dispatched in a row.
C Danby – 50 not out, H Cottle – 25 not out, F Steele – 25 not out Total. 173/7
The magic continued, raccs took to the field, “Westbourne Charles” vanished in a puff !
Beef he was lame , so skip turned to his dame and “Tigs” debut would make us enough.
A fantastic addition in this war of attrition, and determined to never give in. A thundering draw,was heading for four, but out came the “Tig” pedal bin.
The Chidham fought back and went to attack, and walloped poor bomber all round,our Joshy hit back, with his speedy attack and wrestled a bat to the ground.
Skips direct hit denied, and another edge skied, a chance for the innings to fall. But c.cells sea shells failed to haul in the ball, it dipped and it drifted, as skips bowls shifted, as he gave cells a dodgy call.
The game wasn’t won yet, and the chase had been set, so more spells and witchcraft was needed. After such a good start, we’re we heading to part on complacencies we hadn’t heeded.
Then up stepped the “ wizard “ casting balls in a blizzard, “ AJ Merlin” appearing both ends.
5 for 8 what a spell, to your children you’ll tell , of the wizard and minds that he bends.
AJ 4-5-8, Steele. 4-1-18, Jk. 4-0-34, Danby 3-0-32, Josh 3-0-13, Cells. 1-0-4
The whole evening a pleasure, to the barleycorn for leisure, till we welcome our friends over next week, well done too you all, and united we fall, for creating the happiness we seek .
Come on the The Racqs, brought to you by Snows Group …a family operated motor dealer…
Close but no cigar…or was it?
The Racqueteers vs Westbourne CC 6th June 2019
Before we get into the facts and figures of the match, the disgruntled author would like to raise a “point of order” and maybe on more than one occasion during the report. It is my request to the Fines Manager for the next match, that a multiplier should be used for two members of our team for dissent when it comes to authoring the match report, and another multiplier for egregious scoring and recording. I propose a x2 multiplier for Mr McTigue for refusing to accept the mantle of authoring the match report and, after being given the scorebook, leaves it behind on the bench, shame on you Sir.
Then onto Mr Grant, who’s blatant laissez fair attitude to scoring might well have cost us the match, who actually knows what we scored, because one things is for sure, the book doesn’t show to the reality of the match! So for that, and also refusing to author the match report, you Sir, have a multiplier of x3.
With that said, onto the more pleasurable task of reporting on the evenings play. I would be reporting based on fact, if I had some facts to start with, but the book is pretty bereft of fact (Grant you waste of space).
So, I guess a work of fiction is required, we were majestic, both with bat and ball. With a dazzling display of batting prowess Boycey led the way with a mighty 46 (maybe more, we just don’t know, Grant you’re useless), Charlie D, Josh “it’s my birthday” , AJ all had respectable knocks reaching double figures before surrendering their wicket.
Even the mighty Beef managed to hit two balls this time without giving up a catch, step 1 of his recovery plan achieved! Mr Boulton took the final runs in the final over to reach double figures without loss.
So to the bowling and fielding, well to use the vernacular, No effing idea what happened, nothing in the book to refer to (Please come back Mr Grant Snr, because your son is no bloody good at …anything ?). From my faded memory, here are what I consider to be the highlights and lowlights.
Well done “birthday boy” for catching a ball and not severely injuring yourself in the process, you made your old man proud. Talking of Beef, what’s with the sprawling around on the ground anytime a ball comes near you, and how the hell can a ball find its way between your belly and the ground? Great display of catching by our sponsor Mr McCue, in the face of adversity, in the form of an interfering AJ. It was comedy gold in the making and I’m so glad our sponsor made the catch, because if not, we would be hearing about it for the rest of the season. Mr Danby also made a wonderful low catch on the boundary to demonstrate his “all round” capability and positioning himself as the leader in the Mike Gatting cup. Can someone please get Mr Collier some new gloves, because if he carries on like this, he’ll be known as Mr Butterfingers, legs, knees and toes.
But, despite the valiant efforts of most people (Grant take note) all to no avail, apparently we lost in the last over with 4 balls left to bowl…but did we though?, we might have actually won, guess we will never know…
Finally, I would like to say that no cars were harmed in the making of this match report but I would be lying, Mr Grant Snr’s VW has a few dents that weren’t there before. Grant Jnr might have made a better job of protecting the car ( as a young Master Jameson demonstrated by protecting his old mans Beemer) but instead he insisted he was better utilised as a scorer, I think readers you know by now, sadly that was not the case.
Come on the The Racqs, brought to you by Snows Group …a family operated motor dealer…
Wot no wickets…
The Racqueteers vrs Izaak Lions 30th May 2019
Picture the scene, lush green country side, quaint and quiet country village set in the rolling hills of the South Downs. Talking of which, the pitch, had more rolling hills in it than the surrounding countryside. The irony was there was even a pitch roller parked by the pavilion, what a waste of time that must be!
So, to “cut to the chase”. We were shit, shite and a complete bunch of terds, and that was just the observation from our sponsor, and he didn’t even turn up to watch the match, too busy highfalutin with the hoi polloi of the cricket world, getting pissed up with Darren Gough and managing to avoid watching the match he was actually present at…anyway nice touch with the video Mr McCue, pity it was for nowt.
We batted first, well some of us batted, some just went through motions …First to go was that bloody useless McMurrugh chap, Beef? More like chop liver, emulating the sponsors performance the previous week by going for a duck, caught(no surprise there) second ball.
Mr Gorvin batted well, retired on 25 and came back in for 1 ball, if only his run calling was better, nearly ran out his partner, the aforementioned “chopped liver” before he had even taken strike and then not content with that, managed to do the dirty on Master Jameson, who was yet to get into his stride, Shame on you sir…
Mr McMurrugh Jnr, although you would need to be a brave person to call him junior, looked promising, after a only one ball warm up in the nets, went out and blasted a 4 first ball, and then another 4 second ball…here we go we thought, sadly a few singles later and one more boundary he was out for 15.
So to Mr Jameson, looking for restoration of the family pride and steadying the listing ship, shame to say after a boundary and a single, that was that. Oh what might have been. Now desperately down into the middle order, Mr McTIgue did well, as demonstrated by his celebration on making contact with the ball, only to be reminded by his batting partner he also has to run once the ball has been hit the required distance from the wicket. His final shot was a peach, nicely struck, clearly off to a boundary, only for a fielder to spoil what would have been a momentous occasion by catching it, the blighter.
Some other chaps batted, Mr Taylor swung the bat well for 13 including a 6, well done Sir. Messrs Rees and Cells put some runs on the board with a 4 apiece. Then to the Skip, striding out Mr Collier looked defiant, fire in his eyes (as opposed to in his mouth), moving purposefully to take strike and show this lot how it’s done and prove that the Racqs have a sting in their tail. He showed ‘em alright, with a fine display of singles, doubles and a 4, he marked up the 2ndhighest score of 15 not out. His partnership with Mr Grant, was looking promising until Mr Grant, with a new set of eyes, was run out for 11, (maybe the eyes aren’t the problem, it’s the legs that need to be worked on). including a glorious 6, one of only 2 in our innings. Then there was Mr Alvarado, not much could be done by now but went for it and was run out, 3rd one of the match…maybe we need to focus on our calling/running skills.
So, despite the odds, we did manage to last the full 22 overs, but for a paltry 119. We needed some sharp bowling and fielding to make this a match…
Well, we bowled and fielded, in the words of Forest Gump, “and that’s all I have to say about that”.
With no wickets, dropped catches and stupid local rules that meant everyone had to bowl, whether they can or not, it’s no surprise that we ended up losing and being castigated (if not castrated) by our sponsor.
Post match report ends on the only successful part of the evening with the fine kitty balance, showing considerable levels of income after only 2 matches played. If we carry on like this, our team dinner will be in the The Ivy, Covent Garden (hint hint Sponsor).
Well I’m sure it can’t get any worse and worse thing happen at sea, but for now…in the immortal words of Yazz and The plastic population…”The only way is up”….
Come on the The Racqs, brought to you by Snows Group …a family operated motor dealer…
And so it begins…
The Racqueteers vrs Hayling Island Cricket Club 23rd May 2019
There was much excitement as we arrived for our season opener. The banter was strong early and there was a real sense of optimism as we warmed up with lager and fags. Skip lost the toss and that really knocked our confidence, not a good omen.
Gaz opened the bowling and was very steady, Beef let the team down badly by dropping one of the easiest catches ever seen at Hayling Park…you good tell that Gaz was not happy. It’s fair to say our fielding was not at it’s best and we were constantly reminded by skip that we were ‘rusty’. Ollie came back 6 inches taller and clearly over the winter a lot of changes happened as his voice was a lot deeper, he is no longer a boy and has become a man. He also bowled nicely and was quicker than last year, he did bowl a few wides and as ever his dad was motivational….not! Gaz and Ollie failed to make a breakthrough but not a lot of damage was done. On came Josh and Charlie, real class from these two. Josh’s pace was excellent and was unlucky not to take a wicket. It didn’t help that he was bowling with one eye…more on this later. Andy was our star bowler and was Mr Consistent as ever taking a nice few wickets. He was well backed up by Mctigue…for an alcoholic he did very well however he must learn that he does not have to bowl 6 ft from the crease. Now back to the fielding…it was not a good night for the McMurrugh’s…Josh had a high ball float to him and we all thought he would catch it…sadly it went through his hands and smashed him in the eye…..his face did not look good, he got the normal sympathy from the team…zilch! Beef dropped another easy one as did Charlie and I ( joke as the ball was coming at me like a rocket). Matt (prada) left the field to go for a break…it would be nice if he told the team as we were down to 10 men…thankfully Jameson jnr was able to assist. Mctigue thought he was at crufts prancing around the ring when trying to chase a ball, Barbara Woodhouse would have been proud. Skip was as usual organising the team well behind the sticks and using his dry sense of humour to upset the opposition. I loved the shout to beef as he was running “come on hit ramming speed”.
So, the fielding exploits were now over, we left the field with a target of 146 to chase.
We were looking from some motivational words from James who clearly has come back a new man, 2 stone lighter and looking very much in love, all that physical activity is paying off!….he was nowhere to be seen….great support as usual Jim
Beef and Charlie opened the batting, Beef excelled himself with a lovely 5 runs and Charlie oozed class as he retired on 30, what an eye for the ball that man has….not so sure about his running between the wickets though. Andrew started well but gave his wicket away cheaply. Matt B took to the field looking very confident, we all felt this could be his night… he hit an absolute screamer but sadly straight to one of the opposition. Ollie was his usual excellent self and he also retried on 30, momentum had shifted and we were looking good. Sadly I was out for a ‘golden’ what a ball that was… pace, accuracy, spin you name it…it had the lot. I would like to thank you all for the support you gave me as I walked back in, I feel good about the season ahead.
Josh started confidently and was playing nicely but again he threw his wicket away when we really needed him, I think the drugs Mrs Mccue gave him had played with his mind. Matt also didn’t have a great knock and was gone for 1 but at least he wasn’t in the toilet again. Mctigue faced a really slow bowler and managed to spoon a shot away for 2, he seemed to forget you are supposed to run between the wickets. His celebration (mid run) was over the top and he let himself and his family down. Nevertheless a very solid 2. Gaz went out with his new shoes on that he forgot to wear at the start of the match and had his normal swagger as he faced his first ball. He hit a very solid 5 and should be very proud of himself (knob!). Skip went out with an impossible task in the last over and joined me with a ‘golden’ he had the right attitude …. only 6’s would do.
So we ended on 114 with 2 retirements…not bad. This should be the only loss of the season and was a good way to blow the cobwebs off.
Thank you Ian for the scoring. Well done Wils on cooking a beauty of a barbecue and putting up with the player demands, veggie, gluten free, yeast intolerance and for creating a beautiful salad. Beef supplied the food and had to go to Asda and Lidl…shock horror. The salad provided by him was a joke.
You could tell how disappointed we were last night as no one drank much, to see Matt B leave early says it all.
Onwards ad upwards chaps…we can do this
Come on the The Racqs, brought to you by Snows Group …a family operated motor dealer…
The Racqueteers Annual Dinner – 11th Oct 2019
So it came to pass, the here and the now, the long awaited End of Season dinner for The Racqueteers 2019 Campaign, a time for us to re-live those glorious moments on the pitch, those dropped catches, golden ducks and the many expletives from a bowling James Grant…
We assembled with our better halves, who I’m sure were dragged along kicking and screaming, to relive the momentous season where it was clear the Racqueteers were on the verge of re-living the glory days and hay days past. After a shaky start, with 3 losses in a row, we were nearly unbeaten for the rest of the season.
The stats tell the story, of Charlie’s sublime skills with the bat, Andrew’s trickery with the ball and the outright pace of the two “young guns” of Freddie and Josh, and the rest of us just did our own thing…
Seacourt was the venue, and with much anticipation of the fine wine and culinary expertise of the chef, we sat down to feast on an alcohol infused diet of short stories, long tales, bravado, bragging and furious denials.
The highlight of the evening, as is customary…Skippers Speech, here, is an abridged and sadly the content has been altered to satisfy a PG rating ! Ladies and Gentleman, prey silence for our captain Mr Ian Collier…
“…This won’t take long because I really need to use the bathroom – actually wait that was last years gag. Nice to see my Sister here this year. Oh wait, were you here last year? I also only wrote this a couple of hours ago, so apologies if i forget anyone or if the speech is crap and drones on a bit too long. Apologies also for any offence caused, I can assure you that all of it is all quite intentional. Scrub that, you know im only joking.
Anyway, what can I say, all in all, and all things considered, another fantastically successful season for the Racqueteers. I wont go into all that games won and games lost malarkey and will just focus on the positives. I do hope however that you’ll all agree there were some amazing performances both teamwise and individually this year, both on the field and off, and some well.. not so good. What we can say though with a good degree of certainty, is that we remained consistent throughout.
Not a game went by without JK shouting “oh blast” at one of his own deliveries. Or of me being asked to take the team kit home. Which, as you all know, I enjoyed immensely and did so in good grace and without complaint. Always with a spring in my step. I tried to run, Jimmy was already at the car, I tried to hide and the kit bag was already IN my car. On the days I did manage to escape, James or Charlie kindly brought it round to my house a few days later. You know on the presumption that somehow Id forgotten to take it. So thanks guys for that. Much appreciated. Next year im turning up only in the smart car. And even then the kit bag will probably then get strapped to the roof
One or two birthdays also took place this summer, which we all thoroughly enjoyed. As I’m sure did many of locals, and fences we bumped into on the way. Gaz’s sideways walking and subsequent tumble into a heap outside seacourt still brings a tear to my eye. We laughed and we sang and we played guitar and insisted that seacourt remained open. So thanks to Jim from behind the bar and to his team for staying open for that. Big round of applause for them.
We also played against some fine opposition this year as well. We thoroughly enjoyed locking horns once again with some of our old adversaries as well as against some new ones as well. And of course sharing a pint and a sausage or two with them after the games. Can’t testify to the sausage sharing myself of course, but Charles reliably informs me that he was thoroughly satisfied.
Not sure what the opposition thought of us, not much care, but I’m sure a good number of the residents in the sleepy village of West Meon enjoyed captain caveman turning up 4 sheets to the wind after he’d been drinking at the Oval all day with Darren Gough. I think it was the look of resignation on their skippers face as Neil told him the same story for about the 5th time that I think I enjoyed the most. Never seen a guy go so white or go home so soon after a game. I guess he couldn’t have been feeling that well. Anyway, he got away lightly, if he’d been with Cavey at the sailing club… (I can’t in good conscience allow this to published…Ed)
We also played at some crazy places this year both far and wide. And got lost trying to find some and having to resort to using google earth to find the ground. Does that look like a cricket field to you or an airfield? I think heard Andy say whilst looking at the map. On the way to Compton I actually stopped in some godforsaken village in west sussex and asked this guy the quickest way to the cricket ground?”
He said, “Are you in a car or on foot?”
I said, “Car”.
He said, “Yeah, That’s the quickest way.” Helpful.
Anyway, a few thank yous. First up and most importantly of all I should like to say a special thank you to team mascot, sole supporter & now player of the Racqueteers, Mrs Tig, Arlette my beautiful partner. I’m sure none of us could quite believe her ball trapping skills at fine leg in that game she played in. And she’s asked me to say sorry on her behalf if any of her ball throwing embarrassed or shamed any of our regular male players in anyway. So, thanks babe for being there always and for all those “Come on racqueteers” shouts from the boundary. And of course for all the bacon sandwiches you cooked at the six-a-side. I think Jimmy might have fainted through sheer exhaustion if he’d not had that 3rd sandwich after his eighth or ninth burger. So you certainly saved the day there.
And talking of six-a-side tournaments, as you probably all know by now, we didn’t win. We didn’t even qualify. I may have got the tactics wrong in our first game when I told everyone to just run every ball. Predictably that was proceeded with everyone getting run out in the first two overs. So when I came in at a lofty no 6. My highest batting number of the entire season, Gaz informed me that we needed to bat out the remaining two overs in order to stand a chance. That statement was then followed by him getting caught out the very next ball. Anyway, was a great day, a day which was made all the better by the support of Josh who came down to give us his cheeky smile and a few words of encouragement. It most definitely did not involve him simply marching across to us and then barking “where’s the keys” before leaving. Anyway, whatever subliminal message that was, it worked, as we won the remainder of our fixtures.
More thank yous. I’d also like to thank Seacourt for allowing us to host our bi-monthly BBQ’s after the games and of course for this dinner and for their general support this year. Helps to have most of the shareholders of the club and a board member playing for us of course. But I’m sure that has nothing to do with it. Round of applause for Seacourt.
Comedy cynicism aside, it’s been fantastic. Special thanks to our team chef and BBQ impresario Pete Wilson and to his glamorous assistant Mr Beef McMurrugh who supplies us with all those happy shopper burgers. Didn’t know they still sold them, so well done for sourcing them. And thanks of course to all the guys that have served us this wonderful meal this evening. You’ll note I wrote wonderful in advance. Just kidding of course, it’s been great, so big round of applause for all the feeders. Heaven knows we need it.
Also I’d like to say as usual a big thanks to jimmy, not only for just being JK and allowing us to laugh at that nickname for yet another year but also for his organisational skills. We all appreciate that the team he declares on a Monday is going to look nothing like the team that actually plays on a Wednesday, but hey we’re all used to that now. And we’ll set aside all his traitorous behaviour this year what with playing for other teams and all that, because in any regard the racketeers wouldn’t be the same or even exist without him… So round of applause for JK. Good, so that’s him done for the evening.
Anyway, before I wrap this quickly devised random set of nonsensical remarks up and, like I say, sincerest apologies to anyone I’ve missed out. James did say he’d take care of thanking anyone I totally overlooked. And im guessing as I write this that by now he’s already made at least 5 mini speeches, I do have one final duty to bestow. And that is the awardance of the JK cup…
Inaugurated last year as an award to recognise a growth in someone’s ability, a sense of trying that belies their immediate and initial ability and an attitude that stands above all others. That person who never says “oh blast” when asked to field at fine leg, is always someone happy to bowl, bat, field or umpire in any position and at anytime. And does so at all times with a smile on their face. And most importantly of all ends the season being spoken about by the other players as to how much they’ve grown as a player.
The recipient of this years award actually would have very valid claims to the Racqueteer of the Year and might in all fairness could have won them all. However, what’s beyond doubt, is that he is most certainly a very deserved winner of the JK cup.
So, for being a constant this year, having a great attitude both as a leader and as a player (its me! oh no. wait). As a leader and a player. As a fielder, batsman and someone with a great and refreshing attitude, especially for someone so young. And most importantly of all as an increasingly hostile and might I say clever and now accurate bowler. The JK cup is awarded to Freddie Steele…”
After such an emotional and rousing speech, which received a warm round of applause and heckling in equal measure, Skip passed on to James to present the rest of the evenings awards to the lucky recipients
Racqueteer of the Year…Mr Gary “Gadge” Malone
With Runner – Up …Mark “Beef” McMurrugh
Players Player of the Year …Mr Charles Danby
With Runners up Mr Andrew Jameson & Mr Gary Malone
JK Cup...Mr Freddie Steele
Pam Ayres Trophy and Oversees player of the Year ..Mr Justin “USA” Singleton
Fathers & Sons Team…A & O Jameson
The end of season report would not be complete without a special mention of two people…firstly Mr Neil “Cavey” McCue. Not only the provider of sponsorship courtesy of Snows Motor Group, but just importantly a key thread in the social fabric of the team… his inspiring words of wisdom, his all-inclusiveness, wisecracking and self-deprecation make him an all round “good egg” . What you say about Mr James Grant that hasn’t already been said, the driving force behind the Racqueteers (God help us !) and is always pushing us to go the extra mile with his organisational challenges and is the reason for us being here tonight…well done James we all appreciate you, despite what we may say to your face !
Wanted to know who did what this season ? Well here you go, you’ll find the key player facts and figures, read them and be amazed with our talent ! Click on the link below which will open a new window.
Inaugural Racqueteers Golf Day
The 8th of November was the inaugural Racqueteers golf day at Tournerbury, a much changed and improved course since many had played there last. A motley crew arrived promptly (apart from Beef who had forgotten where his clubs were) JK, Boycey, Gaz, Pat, Mat all kept the Pros happy by having to buy half the kit in the shop. Charlie came for a walk and was chief ball finder.
It was decided that we play 2 groups of 3.
Brave Mat had the honour on the first hole and as the groundsman watched, biting his nails, he produced the best swing of the day- sadly the ball didn’t move. This was to be a story of things to come for others but after a rusty start, lots of lost balls and plenty of “oh dears.” Like phoenixes from the flames the boys’ rounds all improved and any number of “good shots,” and cheers from the one spectator were heard… but in truth the laughs and curses far outweighed those.
After a couple of hours of battle, In the end, JK, Beef, Pat and Mat came third equal and scored some points. Boycey and Gaz both played well and scored more points than the others, it was a tie but Boycey won on the count back, which was impressive as one knew how to count back, congrats to our first chump. sorry of course I mean champ !
Shot of the day- there were too many, too close to the pin to decide.
Longest drive- all the ones that went into the driving range.
Thanks to Tournerbury for hosting us. Thanks to Josh who rescued four of the Racqueteers from themselves, who might not have made it home.
A sort of quote sums it up… “they played all the right strokes- not necessarily in the right order OR direction!”
Play up boys and we’re looking forward to next year!!
